Love vs Privacy

This is the Finest Nerd Czarina, and I hate this meme. A friend of mine found this solid piece of relationship advice on the internet:
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She shared it because she wholeheartedly disagreed with it, and frankly, so do I. Being in love with someone doesn’t mean that they are suddenly entitled to know literally everything you’re up to at all times – nor should they feel as though they are entitled to the same from you! Privacy in relationships is a big deal. You can’t exactly have a healthy relationship if you don’t trust your partner enough to want to have 24/7 access to their phones, computers, social media accounts, emails, and so on. That, to me, is controlling behavior and could potentially be a sign of a toxic or abusive relationship.

“If they have nothing to hide,” you might say,  “why would they want to stop me from reading their text messages?”

But the real question is, why do you want to read their text messages in the first place? If you don’t trust your partner, that’s a whole other discussion you all need to have. Nothing will be gained or resolved by allowing each other that much access into your lives. I trust my partner, but I don’t want to read her emails. I don’t want to know where she is every second of the day. I don’t want to follow her into the bathroom while she poops. Some things are just for her to deal with, outside of our relationship and without me included. Each person involved in any given relationship needs to retain their own individual identity (I mean, that’s why you’ve fallen for your partner, isn’t it?), and that includes maintaining their own safe space/privacy. No one should feel as though they have to give up that much of themselves to be in a relationship with another person.

Let’s be honest, too, for a moment. If a person did want to cheat on their partner, no amount of snooping is going to prevent that from happening. What would make it less likely to happen is to nurture an open and honest, healthy relationship.

My gut tells me that the above meme was written by an abusive person in such a way that twists a controlling situation to make it seem like true love. It is not. If any of you readers are ever in a situation where you are dating or married to someone who demands to have access to all your personal information, answer your phone for you, dictate what you do and where you go, dislikes your being with friends, and does not let you have much privacy or independence, please reconsider this relationship now before it escalates into more abusive behavior. Don’t be fooled into thinking you owe someone your passwords because “you’re in love”. If they really loved you, they wouldn’t want it.

 

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